Friday, December 18, 2009

The Great Date Debate

Hubby and I are having a disagreement. During this disagreement Hubby has proven himself to be the most embarrassing Dad that ever was!!! At least he would if I let him have his way.
Miss Q is 17. Old enough to date. She is a quiet, shy girl who is just learning to come out of her shell. She is interested in dating, but because of past experiences she is very, very timid around boys and pretty awkward. She and I are working on this. I have taken her on a couple of dates, to show her the ropes and have some fun. Hubby would like to help our process along. His up one of our neighbor boys to take her on a date. Let me say that again...Hubby would be asking a boy to ask Miss Q out!
Hubby was quite surprised when I vehemently said NO! He was also surprised when I informed him that asking a boy to ask out his daughter would be one of the worst things he could ever do to her socially and emotionally. Hubby assured me that he would pick a nice boy and would give him plenty of money so the boy could take Miss Q somewhere nice. At that point I was a bit dumbfounded and at a slight loss for words. How could my dear Hubby be so dense?
I've tried explaining to the man that paying someone to go out with Miss Q in wrong. I've stressed the importance of a boy asking her of his own accord. Hubby still doesn't get it. He thinks it would be fine. Fortunately, when we decided to be Foster Parents we also decided that I would have the final say in all matters regarding the children. It is this fact and this fact alone that has stopped far.
He really thinks I'm wrong on this topic. He is really scoping out the Priest Quorum at church, trying to decide which boy he think would be best for Miss Q. Aaaah!!
Help a girl out and back me up! I think if I have a few more ladies on my side it would convince him that YES! It is absolutely wrong to ask a guy to ask your daughter out on a date. Especially if you pay. ;)


MomBabe said...

Oh, sure it's okay. IF YOUR DAUGHTER IS A HOOKER.

Seriously. It's hard enough being a teenage girl, the last thing you need is some boy telling everyone at school that your dad PAID him to take you out on a date. "Hi. I'm a loser"

Crunchyconmommy said...

Yeah, that would be pretty embarassing! The thing is, he's in what David and I call "boy mode". Boys want to problem solve and fix things, when sometimes empathy is what is required. Here's the question? Do the youth in the ward "date" much, or do they go out in groups? It would not be out of line, I think, to create some group situations where the possibility of being asked out (and the chance to practice social, date-like activity) is increased, but an actual, "can I please pay you to take out my daughter?" would not fly with any girl I know!

Glad all is well with you guys!

Christina said...

I would have been mordified if my dad had asked someone to ask me out. Don't let him do it!!!

I agree with crunchyconmommy. Let him help her plan a fun group activity that is completely non-date-ish but includes both boys and girls. She'd probably be much more comfortable doing stuff like that to start off anyway.

Meredith said...

Dear Sarah,
You have been married for many years now. Whilst I am still in the dating game! You should ask ME for advice!! I go on dates multiple times within the week, with different boys. Not to brag! ha. . . BUT REALLY!

And It would be embarrassing if Dad set me up on a date! The girl's got to learn! ha!
The End.

Tina said...

Your husband is such a nice guy, and he just wants everything to go well for sweet Miss Q. His plan wouldn't be the way to go about it though. There are other ways to build confidence.

Hubby said...

I am right. It's like the old man who pulls a couple of twenties out of his wallet and says, "Hey kids, you go out and have a good time." Maybe it's my gray hairs talking, but when I was young boys and girls went out to have a good time. There was no good night kisses at the door steps and you went out with a different girl the next week. You had fun and were kind to eachother. There was no dating to marry because the boy was going on a mission. The boy goes out with all the girls. Miss Q told me that at the dance there were a lot of couples there. This paired off stuff would stop if some dads just helped the boy date fund a little and said here, start with this one. When my sons are eligible priests, I am going to select the girls that I want them to go out with and I am going to pay them to take the girl out. If it was customary for the girl to ask the boy out, I'd give Miss Q money to ask certain boys out. The problem is that there just isn't enough dating and fun happening. If I hadn't gone out on dates with so many different girls, I don't think I would appreciate what a special women Sarah Blue is. Check back in 10 years to see if Sarah Blue is able to stop me from bribing my own boys to take certain girls out.