Tuesday, November 9, 2010

They're Out to Get Me

Rose and Hubby are trying to kill me.

I thought we were all getting along just fine. I thought we loved each other. I thought we even, occasionally, liked each other. But recent events have proven that Rose and Hubby are out to get me.

I have been battling a major sinus infection. The same infection that I battle every year around this time. I have been working hard trying to stay ahead of the uckiness and hopefully avoid further pollup infestations and tiresome surgeries. To aid me in my battle, every day I use a wonderful Sinus Rinse nasal wash. This consists of a cute little bottle filled with 8 oz. of warm water and mixed with their pre-packaged solution of salt and baking soda. Simple, yet so effective!

It can also be a huge mess. Remember the law of gravity? What goes up must come down. The same applies to liquids shot up one's nose. They come right back out, hopefully dislodging much nastiness in the process. 

Anyhoo, the other day Hubby offered to mix the wash for me. I was very grateful. It seemed like such a considerate thing to do! I really ought to have known better.

Hubby hands me the bottle and I promptly start pumping the wash up my nose. It burns!

I think, WHOA! I must have a serious infection. Or maybe the water went the wrong way. I shake it off and try the wash again. That water burned me again. It burned up my sinus, back behind my eyeballs, and down into my throat!!  It was awful!

I start spitting and snorting (yes, I know, very attractive) and calling for Hubby to help me. He comes rushing back in. I shout that my throat is burning...like an acid burn. And beg him to help me. And HE starts looking sheepish!  Turns out, he had added a whole capful of hydrogen peroxide to my nasal rinse. He thought that I wouldn't even notice. He thought it might help fry all the nastiness that has taken root in my sinuses. At least, that's what he claims...

But, I've got news for you Old Man! I don't believe that claim for an instance! There is no way that you could not have realized the dire consequences on the so-called love of your life's sinuses. NO WAY!  I know you were really trying to poison me! You can't fool me. And know this...I'm watching you! You won't have another chance to poison me. You should have gotten it right the first time. >:-(

And then the darling Rose.

A week ago the kids started talking about When We Have Another Baby!!!!

Excuse me? I just had a baby. You all have a little baby. Give your poor Mama some time to recover please. Aargh!

Despite my absolute shock at the topic they were discussing, I stayed quiet and just listened. It all seemed pretty harmless, until Rose confided that she has "been praying for Mom to have twins".


What did you just say?

I asked Rose when exactly she had prayed for twins.  Was it during her personal prayers?


Turns out that for the past two months, during our family prayers she has been praying for me to have twins. And all of us have said "Amen" to each of her prayers.

That sneaky, conniving little...

The way she did it was by saying that part really softly and kind of covering her mouth with her hand. I just thought she was stifling yawns. It just goes to show that you should NEVER say Amen to a prayer that you haven't heard in full. Holy Cow! 

I told Rose that twins would kill me. She laughed and said, "No, they wouldn't. They'd be fun. I'd even help with them." 

Not only is she trying to kill me, she's laughing about it! Talk about adding insult to injury.

I told her to Get Some Guts! If she was going to pray for me to die during family prayers, she at least needed to have the courtesy to pray loud enough so that all the family members can hear what she is actually saying and then decide if they want to say Amen or not.

And you know what she did tonight? She prayed for twins loud enough that her siblings could all hear. And you know what those rotten twerps did??? They all said "Amen". I guess they all want me dead.

I just glared at them all. Even when they tried to kiss me good night.

And now I'm going to bed. I'm going to have to spend a lot of time praying tonight to try and counteract the prayers of my children. And I don't know that I'll win. My dear Father in Heaven has a soft spot for the prayers of children. 

Wish me luck. I'm going to need it.

1 comment:

Christina said...

Hailey wished twins on me and look what happened. Actually, twins aren't so bad. You kill two birds with one stone and only have to suffer through one pregnancy. Plus they always have a playmate. No need for you to be the entertainment committee. My twins (other than the first few months of life) have actually been easier to raise than my singles.

As for hubby, I say you start plotting some revenge. Hehe!