Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Persistent Pigeons

And now, another pigeon update...

We left town for a few days to visit family for Christmas. Upon our return there were THREE pigeons sitting on one post and ONE pigeon sitting on the other post, for a total of FOUR pigeons!! FOUR!! I started out with two and they doubled in my absence! I jumped out my van and yelled at the pigeons. They were shocked to see us back and took off quickly. Ey-yah!

For the next week I watched for the pigeons. I only had to go out once with the water hose. And they flew away before I could even aim right.

Still...I will be inside my house and I will hear cooing. But as soon as I go outside, there are no pigeons to be seen. All that's left are their nasty poops. Sneaky, dirty little birds!

This afternoon. I heard cooing again. I tried to be more sneaky than before. I quietly opened my front door. My son and I crept to the water hose. He quickly turned on the water while I raced to the front lawn, then turned around and aimed at the pigeon. And what did my eyes see...Not one, not two, not four, but TEN pigeons sitting on my roof!!!

I fired the hose at them, and one flew off. The others just looked at each other. Stupid lazy birds! Don't they have any sense of self-preservation! These are the same birds that, when they are in the middle of the road and they see a car coming, will walk, that's right WALK! away. And SLOWLY!! I've almost hit a few, but swerved a the last minute to avoid them. And those pigeons know that you will swerve. THEY. KNOW. IT!! Aaaargh!!

And it is with that attitude that the Nine remaining pigeons sat on my roof!!! I yelled and aimed the fire hose and threw a few rocks (don't worry, I have bad aim and didn't hit any of them). After a minute of this, they finally started to fly off. And you know what TWO of the pigeons did??? Do you? DO YOU???

They flew from one corner of my roof to the OTHER corner of MY roof!!! That's right! They weren't even scared enough to go to another roof. I hosed them again and they finally flew off.

Come ON pigeons! Can't you just live in a tree like a normal bird? Why do you insist on living on my house and leaving your big poops everywhere? Other birds don't do that? I've had other birds live near my house. And I've left bird seed out for them, because they were such good guests and I wanted them to come back. But I will leave no bird seed for you. I have a much different plan in mind for you.

And it involves...

An air rifle or BB Gun!!

What? What is that you are saying little pigeons? Using air rifles or BB guns in residential areas is illegal? Huh. Is that so?

OR are you just trying to save yourselves?

Whichever...I guess you have a reprieve, for now... At least until I can research the current laws in my little town and be sure that my plan is legal. I wouldn't want to break any laws. But, dear pigeons, YOU have crossed the LINE! Doubling was one thing. But this! Swelling your numbers to TEN???

This is WAR! The battle is over. And the War is begun....


Sabra said...

You know who to call!

John, Lisa and family said...

Hank's got great aim! When we first moved here, we had probably 10-20 pigeons in our backyard and several nests in our eves. At first, I thought it was so neat...to feel like our yard was like a park. The nostalgia didn't last long...all that poop! I never thought to check the laws though. Hmmm...not a bad idea to do some research there. Regardless...somehow the surviving pigeons have disappeared. They must have a communication system, and let their friends know that our yard was no longer a safe place to play or roost.

Laurie said...

I didn't swerve once. And I hit the dang pigeon. It was the most disgusting sound I've ever heard! And to see all the feathers in the rearview mirror... Yeah, I swerve now. But I still hate them!

The Metcalf's said...

Yikes! What an ordeal!