Hello Again

It's been several weeks since my last post. I'm not the most consistent blogger. Many times, when I sit down to type, I feel guilty for not spending that time elsewhere...in more productive ways. After all, I do have a big house to clean and maintain; five kids to feed, clothe, teach, and entertain; and a myriad of unfinished projects to complete.

I'm also about five years behind in Memory Books. I've kept up with the births of my children, but not their birthdays, Christmas, Easter, or growth and development. And a nagging little voice always reminds me of these facts each time I sit down at my computer to update this blog.

As I sit here now, my kitchen is in shambles, clean laundry is piled high on the couches, dirty laundry lies in piles around my living room, my floor is covered in candy wrappers, and my bed is covered with Halloween costumes. There are so many things that I could be, probably should be doing. And yet here I sit.

Because I realized...I get more done when I think somebody cares about what I'm doing.

Yes, yes. I know that Hubby and the kids care. But it's not the same as having a girlfriend who cares and sympathizes and cheers one on. And let's face it, I am a slow one to make friends. It takes years for me to feel comfortable with others and to truly develop trust and friendship. Blogging helps me stay connected to those dear friends and family members that live far away.

This past month, I purposely avoided blogging. I listened to that nagging, guilt-filled voice. And you know what? My house isn't any cleaner and I've only made a teeny little dent in the projects galore. The only thing that changed was my heart...I have felt so lonely and isolated this past month. And instead of creating more time for myself, I felt as though I had less time and more work than ever!

Looking back, I've realized that I am most productive when I have someone to share with.

I started blogging so my Dear Sister could "stalk" me, as she so sweetly put it. We lived in different states and blogging provided the perfect way for us to stay connected. But, as the popularity of blogging grew, random people began reading my blog and, quite frankly, it weirded me out a bit. I started thinking I needed to write a certain way or only include certain topics. I began to over analyze everything I wrote, worried that someone who didn't know me and my dry, sarcastic sense of humor, might take offense. And for the people who do know me, Offending others is the last thing I would ever want to do. I became bogged down...taking weeks to write and edit a post that should have only taken thirty minutes to type up and post.

And I've decided that I'm done with that.

I am who I am. A nerdy, introverted, sarcastic, homemaking intellect.  And I am done worrying about what others think in regards to this blog. Especially when they are faceless names in the cyber-world.

I'm going back to the way I was when my blog was private. I am writing the way I speak. Nothing fancy. Just a nice conversation between sisters and friends.

I'm not vain. I'm not perfect. This blog is only a sliver of me. Reading it does not make you an expert on me or my way of thinking. It only provides a glimpse into my life. But for family and friends who truly know me, the sliver is all they need in order to catch up with my family and I.

People I don't know are welcome to read. Though I may be slow to make true friends, I am friendly to everyone I meet. But if you are going to judge negatively or get your feelings hurt by a person that you haven't even met (namely me), please move on. There are plenty of other blogs to read.

This blog is addressed to my Sisters and Friends.

Which Do You Want First?

The Good News?  Or the Bad News?

Go ahead. Think it over for a minute.

I'm guessing you would like to hear the Good News first...

GOOD NEWS! Paying Your Tithing Brings Blessings!

Hubby entered me into AAA's "We Know Disney" Sweepstakes. And I won. Really! I did. I won a Family Four Pack of 2-Day Park Hopper tickets to Disneyland and California Adventure. We had the option of getting the tickets now and using them by January 3, 2011 or getting the tickets in January and using them by May 31, 2011. We chose the latter.

Our kids are very excited. We started saving up for Disneyland a couple months ago. We were using the experience to teach our kids about working hard, budgeting their earnings, and saving for a long-term goal.  We made sure to pay tithing on all our earnings. We discussed with our children the Lord's words, given through the Prophet Malachi: "Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse, that there may be meat in mine house, and prove me now herewith, saith the Lord of hosts, if I will not open you the windows of heaven, and pour you out a blessing, that there shall not be room enough to receive it." (Malachi 3:10)

My kids, remembering our discussion, are convinced that I won because we paid our tithing. Can't say I disagree. ;)

BAD NEWS...Fasting and Prayer Works

Today was Fast Sunday. Hubby and I chose to fast for his Momma to pass soon.  She has been slowly dying for four months now. It is not a good situation. The brain cancer is doing horrible things to her.

Our prayers were answered tonight. My dear Mother-In-Law passed on at 8:07 pm. She was only 65 years old.

Testing, Testing...

So...Blogger has an updated editor. With lots of cool new features. You may have noticed dots between my paragraphs in previous posts. I had to use them to keep the paragraphs separate. Otherwise, all my words and pictures ran together in a big, jumbled mess.

But that doesn't seem to be the case any longer. Wahoo!

Putting pictures in also seems to be easier. So without further ado, here's this week's update:

Rose has been growing her hair steadily for two years to donate to Locks of Love. Rose, Anne and I all donated hair in January 2008. We've all reestablished the length. Anne and I love our long hair. Rose was hating it. She wanted to wait a few more months before donating, but the maintenance just became to much. I took her down to get her hair chopped and styled. We mailed the locks and Rose is enjoying her new shorter do. I think it is quite becoming.

Anne and I have decided to be selfish. We are not donating our hair. We are keeping it. Sorry.  Although Anne says she will keep growing her hair down to her bum then chop off ten inches to donate. That way she keeps her long hair and still helps with wigs. We'll see how it goes.

Joe is a Dangerous Boy. As such, he is required to build a go-cart. The Iggulden brothers suggest going to the local dump to get the necessary supplies. Joe and Hubby opted to go to Harbor Freight and the local hardware store instead.  The purchased four wheelbarrow wheels, saddle straps, threaded 36 inch dowels, 2 x 4 x 8's, and a few other items.

They got busy putting the cart together. Joe kept calling it a "Goat-Cart". We're not sure where he thought the goats would fit.

Cakes helped too. Mostly he helped by demonstrating to Hubby and Joe that things were or were not put together sturdily enough not to be broken.

They took the cart out for a few test runs. The front wheels could pull a ninety-degree turn on a dime. The guys learned this when Joe, unknowingly, pulled hard on the strap and went flying. Hubby added a wood block to limit the turning degree. They are still working on it. Taking it for rides to test then making the necessary adjustments. It is Wonderful to watch Hubby, Cakes, and Joe work on this "dangerous" activity.

I have fattened up my baby. He now weighs a bit over 15 pounds. He doesn't look much fatter though because he is such a TALL baby. It will be interesting to see if his height follows him into adulthood or if he will just hit 5 foot in third grade and never grow again. Cross your fingers that he makes it to at least 6 feet before the growth spurt stops.

This little cutie is also starting to get teeth. His poor little gums are swollen and he is drooling up a storm-hence the bib. But do you think that would upset him or cause him to grumble? NO!! He is still as happy as ever. I sweat there is nothing that can get this kid upset. He laughs and smiles and coos, just happy as can be. And doesn't he have the prettiest mouth that you ever did see???  SO HANDSOME!!

I have finally figured out how to arrange my living room. I mapped everything out and Hubby is implementing my plans. The blue tape is a rough outline of a bookcase that Hubby is going to build for me. The yellow line represents the TV. The bookcase will be 11 3/4 inches deep and 98 inches tall by 72 inches wide. We purchased BEAUTIFUL solid-Poplar pieces. Poplar is my new Favorite wood. It is a gorgeous hardwood- creamy colors with streaks of green and gray. I LOVE Green and Gray!

I'm counting this as my Anniversary present from Hubby. Now I just have to get him something. He's easy though. He considers a date night with me (sans kids) to be the epitome of grand gifts. So that's what he's getting...except I am bringing the Baby Jim. Hubby agrees-we don't leave babies with sitters until they are one and the Baby Jim is only four months.

And that is the end of my testing. I just "Previewed" this post. Everything stayed in place! And my pictures corresponded perfectly with my text. Hooray for this new editor!

My Counting is Off!

Once upon a time my family consisted of:  Me, Hubby, Rose, Anne, Joe, and Cakes.  Six people. Four children, two adults.  I am a counter. I count the kids when we get into the car, during activities, and when we leave. Counting ensures that I know where all kids are at all times, thereby ensuring their safety and my sanity.

A year ago, we added Miss Q to the count. Adding one was fine and I had a few months to get used to the new count of five children.

Then we added Mr. J and our count became six children. Again, adding this one was fine and I had a few months to get used it the new count.

Then came Baby Jim. We had known about his arrival for quite a while, so he was easy, easy to add. And my count was seven.

It was a large family. Nine people in total. Seven kids to keep track of. But I was fine. My count was spot on.

Then the first week of July Mr. J left. The first week of August Miss Q left. And my count was Off!

I kept counting five kids and thinking I'd left someone behind. I'd count and recount. Sometimes while I was driving I'd have the kids count off for me again, just to ensure that everyone was in the car, even though I had counted them getting in.  It was ridiculous.

The foster kids left in such rapid succession that it took a while for my brain and count to acclimate themselves to the new number. I now have five children. Only five. Once my count readjusted I was fine. Absolutely fine.

A stranger, on hearing that I had five kids, asked how I managed with "so many children". I laughed and told her Five was easy when compared to Seven...I just had to adjust my count. ;)

Quick Update

The kids have returned to school. Rose is in 5th Grade, Anne in 3rd Grade, and Joe in 1st grade. Can I just tell you what a relief (and joy) it is to not have to worry about keeping these kids entertained, busy, and not fighting!

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Now it's just Cakes, Jim, and I at home during the week. They are fun and silly little boys. We are working on Memory Books. I am only four years behind. :S

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Jim had his four-month check this week. He is 27 1/2 inches long and weighed 14 lb. 11 oz. That puts him in the 98th percentile for height, but only the 45th percentile for weight. My doctor likes the percentages to be closer, but wasn't overly concerned because the Jim-boy looked super-healthy. My Mom and Hubby, on the other hand, think we need to fatten the boy up. Wish me luck!

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I am completely flunking on my diet and exercise plan. The Hubby bought me an entire box of Mars Bars! That was my favorite candy bar when I was fifteen. But they stopped making them when Snickers decided to court almond lovers. That was fine by me. I haven't eaten a candy bar in about 13 years (the two bite-size bars my kids share with me at Halloween don't count. I only eat those to show the kids that we are polite and share. most of the time I will sneakily pocket them, while pretending to chew, and pass them to Hubby later.).

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Hubby has, off and on, been tracking the candy bars on my behalf. That was always hilarious to me, because I really don't have a sweet tooth. I much prefer savory foods. For example, when we used to go to his parents' house for dinner, I would opt for an extra roll rather than eat cake and ice cream.

As often happens, my tastes changed with this pregnancy and they have yet to bounce back. I have serious cravings for chocolate that cannot be met! It is quite infuriating to me! I am doing my best to not cave in to the cravings. I was doing so well...

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And then Hubby brings home an entire box of Mars! Turns out they never went out of production, they were still being made and sold in England. Only the U.S. stopped selling them. But now they are coming back, exclusively at Wal-mart. I laughed when Hubby unveiled the box. He was so proud of himself. He knew I had been craving chocolate and thought this would be a good remedy.

I was very proud of myself that I didn't spit in his eye.

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After much cajoling, I agreed to try one, to see if it tasted as good as I remembered.

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I wish I had just spit in his eye. :(

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Oh. My. Stars!!

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It was delicious!

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And I couldn't stop at just one!

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That rotten old man! Why did I ever marry him? Ugh!

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I do not know what the Baby Jim did to my body, but it was something truly wicked to produce such intense cravings!

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Someone please kill me now.

Sunday Musings

I have two callings in my ward. I put together the bulletin and teach primary. I've had these calling for close to two years. I know what they entail. And yet...

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The Bishop just called a few minutes ago. He asked if I had a few minutes to talk to him. Those words immediately set my heart to racing. Thoughts of new callings or added assignments race through my mind. My anticipation/dread start to increase as this dear man waits for my answer. When I tell him that yes I do have a few minutes to talk to him, he merely gives me the names of the people speaking in church next week and my heart calms down. Hahaha!

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You would think I'd have gotten used to it by now. You would think that I wouldn't freak out just because the Bishop calls and asks specifically for me. I mean, I have been putting the bulletin together for quite a while. Maybe it has something to do with only receiving calls from him every third month. Whatever it is, the fact remains, every time my Bishop calls, my heart starts pounding. Haha! It also doesn't help that his daughter and my Anne are good friends. Sheesh. I have just never had this much casual contact with a Bishop before. And he is a lovely man...it just freaks me out a bit to talk to him. ;)

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My baby Jim is the happiest baby that ever did live. He smiles and coos and loves to be loved. As I watch this darling boy, I am struck by the scripture 1 John 4:19..."We love him, because he first loved us."

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When we smile at Jim, his whole face lights up. When someone talks to him and looks into his eyes, his whole face lights up. My kids have deduced that since he smiles at us all so much he must love us. I agree. But I think a lot of it has to do with that scripture. Baby Jim loves us because we first loved him.

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And speaking of scriptures, I'm going to give this one a try: Daniel 1: 3 - 16. I think I've written about this before, if not here's the story...

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A few years ago a wonderful woman taught a Relief Society Stake Conference lesson on the subject of Finding Balance in Life. It was a great lesson. She has used the story of Daniel and the Pulse consistently throughout her life.

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Research shows that it takes thirty days for a habit to form. But thirty days was 1) Too much time for her to waste if the thing wasn't going to work and 2) too much pressure for her to be consistent with and still take care of her family. Instead, she follows Daniel's advice and gives things a ten day trial to prove them. She'll try something for ten days, determine if it works in her life, if it is blessing or a hindrance. If it works, then she'll try it for ten more days. If it's still working, she'll give it another ten days. And after a few repeats, she's made the thing a habit. If the thing does not work, she's only used up ten days and not wasted a whole month.

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I am needing to implement a good exercise program. I have fifteen pounds I need to lose, muscles to tone up, and better circulation to encourage. Unfortunately, I don't have the strength to fully commit to an elaborate exercise routine, but I do have the strength to change my routine for a mere ten days. Yeah. I can handle ten days.

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I figure if I go in ten-day increments, I can be on my way to a fit and lean body in just a few months.

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Wish me luck. :)

Adios Amiga

My heart is feeling so sad and conflicted right now.

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This morning I attended my final CFT meeting with Miss Q. The Baby Jim and I took her, along with the remainder of her possessions, to the meeting. We had taken her dog and the majority of her belongings to her Mom's place a week ago. At the meeting, I turned in all of my paperwork, handed over Miss Q's birth certificate, social security card, and immunization records. Then I handed the darling girl back to her Mom.

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It was hard.

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Harder than I had anticipated.

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Handing over Mr. J was not this hard.

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I think a lot of that has to do with who took custody of Mr. J. He wasn't returned home. He was placed with his Great-Aunt. A marvelous woman. She works hard, maintains employment, is kind & compassionate, and has her head on straight. I really do not worry about Mr. J's physical or emotional well-being while he is in her care. She has proven herself strong and capable. I know he's okay. I know he's loved. I know he will be taken care of in absolutely every facet of his life.

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Miss Q's placement, I'm not so sure of.

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As I was turning things over and explaining different appointments and expectations to Miss Q's Mom, my heart grew heavy with worry. I've met with her Mom before. I know how her Mom is. I know that the woman does love her daughter. But actually handing over Miss Q to her care...It was hard to walk away.

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The only thing that is helping is knowing that this placement is what Miss Q wants

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The girl has wanted to return home so badly for such a long time. She didn't think it would be possible until she turned eighteen. She worked hard. And with a little help from our family, she was able to achieve her goal. She is thrilled to be returning to her Mother's care.

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And I am happy for her. Really. I am.

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I'm happy that she is getting her wish. I'm happy that she is happy. But I am also so, so worried.

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I told her to be sure to use me for one of her emergency contacts, especially since most times they want a contact who is not related or living in the same house. I told her to call me any time if she needed help and Hubby or I would be there as quick as can be. I've told her I love her and that I am planning on always being in her life.

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But I am so worried.

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And I kind of miss that crazy teenage girl.